Updated: Sep 24, 2019
There is nothing more powerful in this world than the power of shame. It’s the unnecessary and unwanted records that play in our head on loops, telling us that you that you are not smart enough, or pretty enough, or funny enough, or rich enough, or tall enough, etc. No matter how well-adjusted or stable we are, these thoughts seem to continue to exist telling us we are defective, unworthy, unlovable, not good enough, and just plain bad. We find that this loops start to develop in childhood, and progressively gets worse as we age, with the help of neglect, bullying, teasing, and what we perceive as failing in life. So how can we let go of this shame? How can we overcome these feeling of being inept? We’ve outlined a few steps below to start you on the right track.
Identifying Your Personal Shame
What is your shame and where does it come from? Start by writing this down. Go through each time you felt shame in your life and try to recount what caused that feeling. Continue on by acknowledging what it is these thoughts are telling you about who are what you are. Once you have everything down on paper. Take a read through them again. Write down how these messages from your mind have held you back. Perhaps they’ve hindered your at work, closed your off in relationships, broken your relations with friends. What is it that you most commonly feel, is it depression, sadness, anger, fear or something else. Try and think of every way this shame makes you feel.
Exposing Your Personal Shame
Now that you’ve started to demystify exactly what your shame is, you have a better understanding and ability to address to overcome these feelings. Start by reaching out to supportive others, sharing and expressing your feelings of empathy. Once you've identified your shame, you have the ability to sit down and talk about it with people who care about you, allowing them to walk through and experience your shame with you. By saying out loud what hurts you, you are putting it into words that can be fixed. You can do this with your therapist, a support group, your mom, your sister, your best friend, and so forth. When we keep the shame in our minds, we are giving our brains the ability to overthink and overanalyze the event that caused you to feel shame. By discussing the event and the feelings it evokes we are ensuring that we have a source we can go to that has a clear outlook on what happened. When we talk about the most difficult experiences and feelings with those in our lives who are most empathetic and supportive, you are guaranteed to feel better, even if you do this long after the event took place. Anxiety and depression levels decrease, shame disappears, and life improves.
Now, we understand talking about it is not easy. It is a very natural reaction to hide things that are shameful. We have a tendency to isolate these feelings and keep them secret. Pushing them down. However, this is one of the most unhealthy things you can do, because pushing it down allows for it to fester. It is this festering that brings up more negative thoughts such as; you don't deserve to be happy, to be loved, or to succeed. It is this festering and these thoughts that over time can cause depression, addiction, codependency, behaviour, and much more negative life issues. This is why talking about how we feel is so important. Remember you are loved, and those who love you want to help you. They will not judge you. By talking with those you love you are taking away the power that shames has. With something as simple as shifting your thoughts from I am bad, to something bad happened, you are taking control back of yourself, creating a resilience to shame.
Conquering Your Personal Shame
Below is a small practice that we found that we highly recommend you give a try.
This holistic practice is one where you use your spiritual energies to combat and release the shame you feel within you.
- Start by taking a few deep breaths and concentrating on anchoring your awareness to the now.
- Use your imagination to think of a small box or chest in front of you. About a foot outside of your aura. The more details the better. Choose your favorite wood/color/styles.
- While you concentrate on what this box looks like, imagine the shame inside you like a color and ask that color to leave your body and move into that box. And close the lid.
When the box is closed. Imagine a ball of energy. Feel the warmth it exudes and the power of love and happiness within it. Imagine it as a bright, sparkling golden ball.
- Use this ball the consume the box. Forever getting rid of it is in its magical warmth and bright energy.
- Once the box is completely gone, allow the warming rays of the ball to mingle with your aura, replenishing you and energizing you. Feel the energy enter each of your chakras.